Break Even by The Script is like my favorite song right now. [: Okay so I blogged back in February and I said I wanted to start blogging again, well I wanted to but I never had anytime, so I apologize. I really do want to get back into blogging though, it helps get out stress and shit. And the fact that I like to tell everyone at once what's going on with me. So, hopefully this summer I'll keep up with blogging.
So since February a lot has happened I guess. Well first of all I'll talk about/to Tara. I'm finally over her, we're only best friends now, twin sisters. I love her just as much as before but just in a different way. And I can tell you're more comfortable around me, I'm glad. You don't have to watch what you say or even think about it, and we haven't had a fight in soooooo long. I'm sooo happy. But that's not all, I want to apologize to you and thank you. So I'm sorry I put you through all that, I'm sorry I made you feel like a bad friend. I'm sorry I tried to push you, sorry for all the fights, sorry I was so stubborn, sorry I let me get in the way of a wonderful friendship, sorry I fought with you soooo much. Sorry if I caused you any hurt at all. I'm just so sorry you had to deal with me, I know now how much of a pain I was and how much I sucked, but I couldn't see it then. I was stuck in my own depression and I was blind. I couldn't see how much it was hurting both of us, I couldn't see how I could get out of that mess, I couldn't see how I could just let go of something so special to me, something I wanted more than anything, I was raised to never give up what I wanted. And I wanted you, but I see now that just being best friends is more than I could ask for. You are such an amazing person and friend, I wish you really were my sister, or even related to me. I can't believe you dealt with me for sooo long, I couldn't see it, but you must have really loved me for hanging on to me like that, and known how much I needed you. Because you gave me the chance after every single fight to make it better, to stay friends. I couldn't thank you enough, I could say it a billion times and it wouldn't be enough thanks for you. You mean more to me than you will ever know, and I hope I mean a lot to you also. I'm thanking you for keeping my left together when I wouldn't listen to anyone else or no one else could fix it. Look how happy I am now, most of it is because of you. I was reading through my old facebook page and comparing it to now and I am sooooo much better now, I was a fucking train wreck before. You have helped me out so much, and I don't think you even realize it. I love you more than anything. You really have helped me through so much, I think I just found my hero. You're so strong, you've been through so much yourself, but to deal with me how I was, you're freakin' batman! I know you don't think you're such a great person and people may try to tell you you're not, but if they had you like I have you, they would understand. Stop putting yourself down, look what you did for me, just to keep me as a friend, you're the most wonderful person in the world. And I'm crying writing this, I don't know why, whether it's tears of joy for realizing and admitting how wonderful you are or tears of sorrow for putting you through what I did. But either way you're so special to me and I truly am deeply sorry and I thank you more than anything. I will stick by you no matter what, and I hope you will continue to do the same with me. I love you, Tara Cassidy Riebel. Forever and always you will be my bestfriend. I wanted everyone to know everything so great about you, like I see you. This is it babe, you changed my whole world and made it better. If you ever need anything I'm right here. And I mean ANYTHING. Love always, Heather.
Okay now that I'm all done being a loving best friend ;] I'm gonna talk about what else happened. Well first of all, I joined the school lacrosse team. It's a lot of fun and I'm glad I finally did it, since I wanted to for quite some time now, I'm just lazy lol. But it was a really goooood experience, I guess I'll play next year too. I really like all the girls on the team, we're like a big family when we're together. I also stopped seeing my chiropractor so much, I got it down to once a month now whenever I feel like going. Good. But so then we discovered I might have asthma, or it could just be a heart problem. So I went to the heart doctor, and long story short found out I have no heart problem, as of now. So that's super good, but now I have to figure out this asthma thing since I had this huge "attack" in one of my games. Oops, but that lead me not being able to play the last couple of games which I was upset about, oh well, there's always next season. But I went and had tests done and haven't gotten the results back yet. So I don't know yet if that's what it is, if not then I don't know what the hell is wrong with me! Haha. But that's my lacrosse season. Now it's time for a rewind. Back to March we go. Okay so as most of you know my birthday is in March. Well this year I got the best present, it's that thing I've been waiting for all my life. I got kissed by a girl, hehe, and not just any girl, a very close friend of mine. Jessica Widerman, haha the infamous hot goth chick of Tech. ;] I'm so glad that it was you who gave me my first girl kiss, and not some stranger or anything haha. I'm glad it was someone I love and am close to. I think it was the best and sweetest gift I could have asked for. Oh and it was also an early birthday gift so that's a plus. 3/8/10 hehe, that's a good date to remember. Now I'm going to brag about how fucking good you taste. Yummy, lmao, I think you're probably the best thing I've ever tasted. ;P And you were so sweet about it, even though I was super nervous. Lol, I still remember what I said to you and what you said to me. Hell, I'm just gonna put it on here. After you kissed me the first time I said "I've never been so nervous before." And you said "Don't be." And kissed me again. Hehehe, it was an amazing first girl kiss. But I remember how at first I couldn't stop laughing because when we walked in the bathroom room there were two black chicks in there and you told me the story about how the last time you tried to kiss in the bathroom there were two black chicks in there and they wouldn't leave. So when we walked in I just started crackin' up and you couldn't figure out what the hell was so funny. Lolz, although the stall we kissed in has a lot of high school memories lmao, that's sad, that a bathroom stall has a lot of my memories. Haha, it's also sad when you use to spend everyday after lunch in the bathroom with your friends. Lol, but back to the kissing story. So after we kissed a few times in the bathroom we had to go off to class and what not, but damn, you made me think about you alllll day. Haha, I couldn't get enough of you, luckily somehow I convinced you that you should kiss me at the end of the day too. Lol, Idk how I pulled that one of, (smooth Heather) but this is like my favorite part, other than how good you taste, so I was going to take you to the bathroom since I knew you didn't really want to kiss in the open, but you said you had to go so in the middle of the hall surrounded by a shit load of people you kissed me, and it was rushed, but you did have to go catch the bus. I knew you still had time though and I felt it was too rushed (;]), so I pulled you back to me and I kissed you again, not as rushed this time. And damn, all the people noticed the second one, all the girls started yelling, "Did you see those two girls kissing?! On the mouth!" I laughed my ass off all the way to the locker room, shallow bitches. Roflmfao. But I still couldn't get enough of you, addicted maybe? Lol, Idk, but I do know that in the next three days I didn't stop thinking about you or your kiss, so I convinced you yet again to kiss me another time, it was my birthday for real this time after all. This time, same bathroom, but not in a stall. It was a pretty short kiss, shit, I wanted to keep goin' and goin'. But I knew it had to be short, and I laughed afterwards because when we were done, a black girl came out of one of the stalls, I laughed my ass off again. But then we went to lunch. And again, all through out the day I couldn't stop thinking about you. And somehow again I convinced you to kiss me just one more time at the end of the day. So we did, and it wasn't rushed or anything this time, but it was our last. And I do miss it, but I'm over it pretty much. Although I still get the urge to kiss you a lot. You're just so damn cute and tasty I can't help it lol. And I think a few times after it we've almost kissed, but held back for reasons. You're adorable and I love you as a friend. I just wish I could kiss you every now and then, haha. But I do have a new crush and I like her a lot, I think more than I let on, even to myself. I'm just so afraid to hurt or get hurt, I don't know how to take chances anymore. But I wish I did, because I would take a chance with her, even though shes a few years older, but she's an awesome girl. But I am so glad that Jess and I are still good friends and that this didn't ruin our friendship, sure it might have changed it for a while but, it's all good now, and I think we're still pretty close. I don't know what to talk about next, hmmm, how about school. A really boring subject, but I think I did alright in the end of the year even though it wasn't my best, Idk something just kept holding me back from doing my best, from trying my hardest and doing all my homework. It's just like I don't even care anymore, and gosh, college, I'm not even trying to think about that right now. So all the emails I get go in a special college folder so when I'm ready I can look at them and the regular college mail, goes in a special drawer, so when I'm ready I can read through those too. It seems even though my problems from living at my dad's have all but disappeared there are still sooo many other problems holding me back. I moved in with mom but everything still wasn't right, there were still too many issues, then I was good for a while. But then one day we got the news, my daddy is getting transferred. Right now it's almost a guarantee that they'll transfer him to D.C. which means we'll be moving to Virginia. And he talked to his boss and they said he could still live in DE until I finish high school. But it just doesn't seem right to me, to hold my family back just because I'm in high school still, so I started thinking about what if I moved with them. Well I would be terribly depressed without my friends, but it would be a brand new beginning, something I never had before, a fresh start. No one would know who I am. I could just leave the past behind, forget about everything that had happened before. But I'm still sooo lost in this, I don't even know what to do. I'm putting off thinking about it, about college and everything that far in the future, I'm thinking about now. So let's do another rewind back to school this time. Some things I have been getting better in though, I passed AP Psych for the year! Woooooo!!! Lol and for part of my demo stem I did it on gay rights, I really liked doing that, and typing up my story, which btw is also on blogger here. I'm not sure if that's what my stem will be though. And I got out of school early because I took most of my exams early or didn't have some. Oh and the last topic, my job. lol, so I got a new job, at BK, which honestly, I think I may like more than Friendly's haha. But damn, the first day I walked, I found my new crush. I'm not gonna say names, but if you're reading this and you've read this far, you know who you are lol. It sucks though, because you're quitting and I don't think I'd stand a chance with you anyhow. I really am going to miss you, you are my favorite person to work with. Oh well, guess I just have to stick to texting you. =/ Good news though, it's fucking summer!!! Hell yeah! Hmm, I want a pool party. And oh one more thing, I'm taking all easy classes next year. :P I love you all, hope summer is good. Hopefully I will post again soon, but not as long and such lolz. (Y)<3[= -Heather
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